Take Shelter: The Man of Steel Prequel You Forgot About

Once upon a time a director named Kent Clark made a movie called Take Shelter, about General Zod before he went crazy and turned into a Kryptonian. It all began when Zod, who used to call himself Curtis started having crazy dreams about oil falling from the sky in a big-ass storm. At first he didn’t think it meant much but then his dog attacked him in a dream and his arm started hurting real bad for real, but he didn’t know that he had superpowers so he thought instead he was just having prophetic dreams. He gave the dog to his Earth brother to get rid of that problem, which is a classic denial symptom. Then he started having even more crazy dreams that people were trying to kill his daughter, or kidnap her or something like that, which isn’t really a surprise considering how crazy Curtis is starting to act. It turns out the people in his dreams are actually government social workers who are trying to rescue the girl from the psychotic Zod before he remembers who he really is and discovers he has laser beams he can shoot from his eyes.

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Zod’s wife, Jessica Chastain, gets really concerned about him because she knows his mother is also a Kryptonian. Jessica is secretly an intergalactic spy who was in charge of subduing the emasculated Zod and convincing him to live out a normal Earth life, using a time travelling machine that allowed the Canadian government to prevent Zod from becoming Zod, but it didn’t work because she fell in love with his big mug and then got pregnant. So now she’s trying to raise her daughter and secretly conniving with the neighbours to keep Zod working at a crap job drilling holes in sites where they had hidden small traces of Kryptonite to keep Zod subdued. It was a good plan, all things considered.

Anyways, Zod keeps having dreams until he gets paranoid that there really is a storm coming. The storm is a metaphor for Zod’s true nature, but everyone tells him it’s actually a metaphor for mental illness, which is kind of the same thing in this case. He goes to see a doctor, but the doctor doesn’t know what’s really going on so he gives Zod Earth medicine, which makes it worse and pretty soon Zod starts building a storm shelter for his family. He should have been building a storm shelter for everyone else and locking himself out of it, but his plan got messed up because the Earth medicine kept giving him short-term memory loss.

Finally Jessica realizes she can’t stop Zod’s transformation, so she goes along with his “mental illness” ideas and hopes that maybe if he completely buys that idea he’ll lock his true nature so deep inside his psyche that it won’t matter. This works for a while, but then when she realizes their daughter is distraught with seeing her dad go crazy, she helps him break out of the insanity loop he’s locked himself into by making him open the door to the storm shelter himself, so that he can see that everything is okay.

This works because Zod goes to get professional help, but not before taking a vacation with his family where they all see Zod’s power create a storm that’s coming for them. The storm proves to be too much for Zod and he has a massive seizure that activates his abilities, waking him up to his true nature. He then travels to Canada and steals the time-travelling device so he can go back to Krypton. The problem is, he forgot to go backward in time far enough to before he met Jessica, so she remembers him, and he still has an Earth daughter.

Then Zod gets knowledge that Superman is on Earth and gets paranoid that he will end up stealing Jessica away from him so he launches a full-scale invasion on Earth. Unfortunately, Superman fell in love with a different girl named Lois, and that was good, but Zod didn’t know that so he attacked Superman, resulting in a massive battle that destroyed half the city but didn’t hurt anyone, because Zod didn’t want to accidentally kill his wife in the destruction. Superman was being a reckless asshole and Zod couldn’t get him to sit down and have coffee so he could explain, so he had no choice but to turn on his laser-eye powers, but he wasn’t ready for it and it got out of control. He went blind just as Jessica found him and was about to try rescue him, but he couldn’t see with the lasers coming out of his eyes and almost killed her. Fortunately, Superman stepped in and snapped Zod’s neck, which was good for Jessica and her daughter but not so good for Zod, which was really bad for Jessica and her daughter. Basically Superman is an asshole.

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Anyways, Take Shelter is a pretty good prequel to Man of Steel, although they could have tied them in together a little bit better than they did, but that’s what happens when you let Zack Snyder direct a sequel to a movie nobody saw. Silly politics.

Zack-Snyder

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